“Ay shorty, what’s your name? I know you hear me!”
“Damn, girl! You got a fat ass!” *licks lips*
“You got a man? You wanna be friends?”
*after not responding* “You ugly anyway, bitch!”
The following quotes are things men have said to me over the years as I walk down the street. I usually wear headphones so I don’t have to talk to people. I never have them too loud because I want to make sure I am always aware of my surroundings. I shared those “gems” because street harassment has been a hot topic for the last few days. I’m constantly astounded by the number of men who don’t understand how the above is considered harassment. I’m even more puzzled when women don’t get it.
A video, depicting a woman walking the streets of New York City and being harassed, went viral a few days ago and sparked a major conversation. Now, please understand, this is not a new conversation. Women have been expressing for years how uncomfortable it is to walk down the street and deal with this brutish type of behavior. My problem with the video is that all the white men who harassed her were edited out. The director even came out and admitted it. Let’s get one thing straight, men of all races and ethnicity’s harass women on the street. To purposely edit out the white men in the video not only perpetuates stereotypes of black men, it also devalues the message. Women are literally being killed for not responding to the advances of men.
In early October, a woman was killed after not giving a man her phone number. Yes, you read that right. A woman was killed for not responding to the advances of man. Harassment of women isn’t a problem, right? The examples I gave at the opening of this post haven’t just happened to me. They have happened to countless women. Women are not being paranoid when we talk about this. The sense of entitlement men have when it comes to this topic is insane. Men, hear me when I say this, at no point does a woman have to respond to you. You do not deserve a response. You do not deserve anything. Women do not have to tell you why men cat-calling, walking up on and generally speaking to them is bothersome. Please think about that for a moment. Why should someone, who is walking down the street minding their business, respond to you? The biggest problem is that it rarely stops at, “Hey, how are you,” when men do that.
My senior year of high school I got a job at the local mall. I was walking to work one Saturday morning and a man approached me. Mind you it had to be about 7:30 a.m. and here I am, 17-years-old, minding my business trying to get to work. This man had to be at least 21 years old and, again, I was 17. He was polite when he approached me but, after several “I’m not interested” responses he kept pushing the issue. I lied and told him I had a boyfriend and he still kept going. At this point I was nervous because he kept walking alongside me and it was the one morning I didn’t see mall security. I had two choices, get loud and run the risk of him getting extremely aggressive or walk to my store as quickly as possible. I chose the latter. When I finally reached my destination my boss was outside the door and I gave her that look. Women know what I mean, when I say, “the look.” It’s that, “please get this man away from me,” look. I gave her a hello hug and she gently ushered me into the store and the man walked away. That’s a mild story. I’ve had male friends lie and say they were my man to get away from guys. Hell, I’ve even said I wasn’t into guys to get them away.
Why did I share that story? Women should not have to go through all of that just for men to leave them the alone. I know it seems that I have been coming down on the men and that is because I need you all to understand. Understand that, as women, we want to be respected. You all don’t have to turn into a-holes because some woman rejected you. There are millions of women in this world. Move to the next one if the one you approached isn’t interested. It is literally that simple. Now, I want to talk to the women who don’t seem to think street harassment is a real issue. When the video went viral, I saw many women on social media saying how they didn’t think it was a big deal. There were woman literally attacking other women who were standing in solidarity of the issue.
Let me explain something to you women who believe that. First and foremost, you need to learn to have respect for yourself. It is never appropriate for a man to beckon you like you’re an animal. It is never appropriate for a man to call you out of your name when you do not respond to him. If a woman does no want to be bothered then she has a right to ignore each and every man who says something to her. The point of all the discussion surrounding this issue is that women should not have to deal with it. Period. No woman is obligated to please anyone but herself. That means, if a man says, “good morning” and she doesn’t respond, it does not give him the right to call her a “bitch” or “whore” or “ugly.” Please stop with that ignorant thinking.
Obviously I’m not saying all men do this. Nor am I saying that all women respond in a manner that demeans the women who have a problem with being accosted on the street. What I am saying is that, with all the flaws of that video, there is a whole lot of truth. Mary Spears and many other women have paid the ultimate price when they don’t respond to the advances of men. The viral video was supposed to showcase that and, in my opinion, it sparked the correct conversation in regards to the issue of street harassment and the harassment of women in general. If you are a man reading this, I hope it gives you some insight on what women have to deal with. If you are a women reading this I hope it gives you comfort to know you are not the only one, and you are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable about it. What I want everyone to take from this is that it needs to end. Women are more than the sum of their parts. It’s high time the world understood that. I’ll end this post, as I normally do, with a quote I think is very fitting.
“I do not wish them [women] to have power over men; but over themselves.” – Mary Wollstonecraft
steelmagnolia88 